Etiquette Tuesday: Going Dutch
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This week’s Etiquette Tuesday goes hand in hand with a prior post entitled “How to Divide?” One of my loyal readers made a special request on this week’s etiquette tip. Let me lay out the scenario and then we can go from there:
You go out to dinner with two friends. Maybe dinner is planned, maybe it’s last minute. For the purposes of this discussion, we will call the Friends Friend #1 and Friend #2. Friend #2 and you order drinks, a full entrée and maybe even split an appetizer or dessert. Friend #1 orders a small Caesar salad and a water. As you and Friend #2 indulge in the creamiest, flavorful spinach artichoke dip, Friend #1 takes about 4-5 scoops of the dip and then eats off both Friend #2 and your entrée plate. When the bill comes, Friend #1 immediately slides the $8 on the table for the small ceasar salad. Another tidbit about this scenario: Friend #1 engages in these same actions on a regular basis when out with friends (*or maybe its just you and Friend #2 that this behavior takes place…*side eye*). This is where I come in.
Generally, when I go to dinner, I am either going Dutch or we plan to split the bill. If we are going Dutch, then order what you want to eat…don’t order the fries, then eat half of the other persons meal and when the bill comes you pull out $5 like you did not just eat 50% of the Filet Mignon. My tip is if you know you are going to want to nibble on the other persons appetizer, side dish, entrée and dessert, then plan to split the bill. If you really are in a bind and cannot afford the extra mac n’ cheese then stick to munching on your Caesar Salad and go Dutch.
Now there are exceptions. A few to throw out there are
1. You do not constantly *under-order,
2. You and your friends have an understanding where you all do this in your circle or
3. You are out with your mate.
When you do it on a regular basis, you just look like a cheapskate and it becomes less appealing to invite you out to dinner. I do not mind sharing but define sharing: joint use=joint bill.
*Johnna Terminology:
Under-order- Ordering a dish that is within your budget and proceeding to eat everyone else’s food around the table but refusing to chip in on more than your dish.
Category: Food.Fun.Stuff.
About the Author (Author Profile)
Johnna French is a Harlem NY native with deep roots in Panama, Washington, DC and North Carolina. All four places have heavily influenced her life and the foods she loves today. After graduating Howard University School of Law and beginning her life as a young professional in the city she was led to start Johnna Knows Good Food in November 2007 to keep family, friends and colleagues updated on where to go and what to eat while dining in the nation’s capitol. French, who still practices law, leads a team of three writers to cover the ever expanding Washington, DC food scene. French has been featured in print and television, appearing in Washingtonian Magazine and is a regular contributor to various local TV affiliates including WUSA 9, FOX 5 DC and WJLA (ABC Affiliate) News Channel 8. During the 2016-2017 football season, Johnna aired on Comcast Sports Mid-Atlantic (CSN) show, Redskins Life, as the weekly tailgate host. Johnna is currently a regular contributor to the FOX Baltimore Weekend morning show.Subscribe
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Does $8 cover even tax and tip?
Cheapskates and lames are the worst. Me and my boys always split the bill evenly. Some days you’ll get the steak, others you’ll get the cheese-steak, eventually it’ll all even out. If it doesn’t, get a new crew.
If you know you’ll be dining with strangers take cash and just be prepared to pay your portion.
If you have to leave early. Keep your tab low and over-pay. I’d rather chip in an few extra duckets than have the table trashing me as some underpaying jerk when Im gone.
Lastly, if you’re really broke, bow out gracefully or meet your folk for drinks or after dinner. We’ve all been there…. Cept maybe Johnna.
*le sigh*
This is one of the Top 5 discussions I’m tired of having! Why isn’t this obvious?! Sheesh.
(I guess the same question goes for your post about taking back items you brought to a dinner party, huh? *rolls eyes*)
I know I’m late to the discussion but I had to chime in – I have a friend who always overorders, then I subsidize by sharing the bill. This ALWAYS happens.
Recently, though, I made a point of telling her that I was putting myself on a strict “going out budget” before we even met up, made sure I ordered within the confines of my “budget” (and she just kept ordering and ordering expensive food and drinks) and when the check came, I paid my share (and even overtipped, because she’s a notorious undertipper) – and the shock on her face when I wouldn’t share the bill was priceless…in this economy, there’s a big difference (for me) between a $20 bill and a $40 or $50 bill for happy hour. I don’t consider myself a cheapskate, but I do believe in living within my means and not saddling people with my greed. I couldn’t believe it when she tried to insist that we split the bill when I’d only had a nibble of one of her dishes – does that count as sharing? Because she surely had sufficient quantities of my dish too…ideally, though, I’d probably (in the future) insist on seperate checks to avoid such scenarios with certain people (not everyone).
It’s been a couple of weeks since this happened and I still feel so liberated about this…nothing worse than going out with friends and feeling like you just got shaken down because you didn’t have enough of a backbone to insist on paying your fair share.
LoL! I definitely understand that feeling. “Shaken down” is the best way to describe it;-)